Rising Above: Embracing Confidence in the Face of Insecurity
I once had a client who was the founder of a very successful startup and he was extremely good at what he did.
In one of our sessions, he told me he had been asked to speak at a large conference as an expert in his field. It was a great networking opportunity and would provide more visibility for his company but the thought of attending it was causing him a lot of anxiety because of the “expert” label.
Despite his success, experience, hard work, and extensive subject matter knowledge, he felt like, compared to other well known and more established individuals in his field, he wasn’t an expert. And by speaking at that conference, he was worried he’d be found out as being a fraud even though there was ample evidence to the contrary (this is known as imposter syndrome).
In order to help him get past this mental block, we first established some facts:
He had a great deal of information about a niche topic that he was very passionate about.
There are people out there who don’t have the same information as him but they’d like to learn about it.
Regardless of whether or not he could answer all their questions, by sharing his knowledge with those who want it but don’t have it, they’ll still walk away with more information than they started with.
By sharing what he knows it would increase his chances of growing his movement and having the positive impact he wants to have on the world.
Then I asked him the following questions:
How would it benefit you to NOT speak at the conference?
What would be the downside of not speaking at it?
How would it benefit you to speak at the conference?
What would be the downside of speaking?
Which scenario would you regret more in the long run and why?
He ultimately concluded that he would regret not speaking but that still didn’t reduce his anxiety about it. So I asked him what would make it easier for him to do it scared?
He had been so caught up in trying to get rid of his anxiety that he hadn’t considered this option. He thought about it and decided he needed to shift his focus from whether or not he was the smartest person in the room to what really mattered: connecting with others who were passionate about his cause and excited about his mission. If he could connect with even one person by speaking at the conference, he felt like it would be worth going and doing it scared.
So he did, and he discovered that his anticipation of the event was far more anxiety provoking than the actual event itself. He’s had a number of speaking engagements since and, while he still gets nervous beforehand, he’s less concerned with how people might perceive him and more focused on why it’s important for him to spread his message in the first place.
Ultimately, confidence comes from taking action without being too attached to the outcome and still learning from the results. Confidence is never bulletproof but it doesn’t need to be to prevent insecurity from holding you back. So try shifting from “What will they think of me?” to “Why does this matter to me?” and “Who can this help?”
And remember: you don’t have to be perfect to have worth.
Coaching can help; let’s connect.
Follow on LinkedIn: Diantha Boardman
