When it comes to boundary setting, it can be hard to know when and where to set them, so here's a personal example from last week when I realized I needed to set a boundary on LinkedIn.

I've been on LinkedIn for years but I've only recently become more active on the platform which has led to an increase in unwanted InMail sales messages from people I don't know. Here are some examples:

1) "Hi Diantha, Great to be connected. After looking at your business background and the amazing work you are busy with, would you be interested in Performance-based Appointment setters to automate your sales process more effectively without doing any of the work yourself? Our team is currently securing between 15-35+ qualified sales bookings for our clients every month. We even offer sales closers to accommodate all bookings if needed or train you how to close clients yourself. Would you be interested in a further conversation? "

2) "I was curious do you ever feel you could be working with far more families, but aren’t sure how to get to them, inexpensively? What if I told you, we've created a client-generating solution that helps you fill your appointment book with the right clients for you, but also streamlines your operations? Our inexpensive all-in-one platform is helping coaches like you to capture and convert leads from your website, social media, Google and more, all from your mobile phone! Sound too good to be true?"

Just re-reading these makes me 😡

But I've gotten hundreds of these kinds of messages in the past couple of months alone. They're asking for too much, too soon, without even attempting to get to know me and build a relationship first and that feels predatory and spammy and I. DON'T. LIKE. IT.

It's not that I'm against being sold to but the people who sent these messages seem to only be interested in one thing: money. They don't care about who I am or what I do, and I'm not interested in putting my business in the hands of someone like that.

My growing anger and resentment towards these messages made me realize that ignoring them wasn't working; I needed to set some boundaries to better protect my time and energy.

So the first thing I did was turn off LinkedIn InMail which you can do by going to settings -> data privacy -> messages, and toggle InMail to "No." This means that if people want to message me, they have to be a 1st degree connection or they can send a note with a connection request.

Obviously this doesn't eliminate the unwanted sales pitch problem entirely, so the next thing I did was find some standardized ways to respond so it's clear that I'm not interested and if they keep trying to follow up with me, I'll block them. I got these message templates from this article written by William Arruda:

🔹 Please unsubscribe me from your sales messages. Thank you.

🔹 If I need what you are offering, I will reach out to you. Please don't reach out to me with a follow-on sales pitch. Thank you.

🔹 I use LinkedIn as a vehicle for staying in touch with people I meet and for collaboration. It seems that you are using it for sales. Since our visions of the platform are so divergent, I'm going to remove you as a connection. That will give you more opportunity to connect with those who are interested in your sales messages.

🔹 You ask: What's the biggest challenge I am facing in my business? Well, here it is: I don't have enough time to move forward on important initiatives because I'm spending time reading unsolicited LinkedIn sales messages like this one from you.

🔹 My favorite thing about LinkedIn is connecting with interesting people to share ideas, get inspired, etc. My least favorite thing about LinkedIn is receiving unsolicited sales messages, so please don’t be offended when I ask that you please remove me from your sales communications. If your only reason for connecting was to sell to me, feel free to remove me as a connection. Otherwise I look forward to staying connected. Thanks.

So, how do you know if you need to set a boundary?

Like Yoda said, "Trust your feelings." 🤓

Anger and resentment are particularly great indicators that you probably need to set or reinforce a boundary that's getting crossed, so pay attention to them and intervene early.